Vulnerable

"And one more thing, don't bother wasting money on learning music until you have an open heart.."

First thought: Yeah right! No one asked for your freakin' pearls of wisdom, mister!

After two seconds: DON'T text him that, not good to piss off a musician that good. Try a polite comeback..

Thought running (unacknowledged & pointedly ignored) in the background through all of this: How the hell did he know that this is exactly what I needed to hear?

Not that I've always consciously decided to be wary of emotions, looking for a point to everything I do. But I've felt, for quite some time, a kind of bankruptcy in my heart. Embarrassed of anything too emotional. Happiness, I welcome. But anything remotely dark, I hide behind humour.

Of course, this grand realisation came after he forced me to introspect. Yup, having feelings means they might get hurt, but happiness feels all the better after that. And songs without passion sound quite.. hollow.

So here's something I tried. It's quite personal, but I've learnt that people connect in the strangest ways to such things. Just an acoustic demo, until a drummer and 2 guitarists pity me.. ;)

Lyrics:

A thousand words,

and a few more steps

on a journey to find me.

People will smile,

make me forget my lines,

that there's someone beside me.

Why is it so tough

to force my pen 

to say what I do really feel?

All that time I was

learning how to be smart

should I make it all leave me?

Do I know

if there is anywhere to go?

And I won't look back on the road which follows me.

And I am ready for the song which frees me.

Humour & I...

...go back a long way. We are the long-lost siblings, separated at a Kumbh mela many years ago. That's why the first song that I am really proud of (meaning I don't wince when someone listens to it in my presence) is this:

This has nothing to do with the current state of my hair. I have had no problem in that department thanks to my parents' genes. The only care I take for my hair is letting them be, with just a trim here & there. They flourish best when no hair products are hoisted on to them.

But recently, this indifference was broken by a slyly crafted shampoo/conditioner ad (I don't know what it was), which convinced me that my hair wasn't "long, beautiful, shiny" enough, and the only way I could get the said attributes was by buying the product.

This song came to me while I was standing in the mall, staring at rows upon rows of "hair stuff", wondering what exactly I was doing there.

And I didn't buy anything.