Back and forth to and fro back and forth...

I hate commuting.
We recently shifted house and I got a more-than-one-hour-commute now and I hate it.
I know I sound like an entitled snob saying that, and I feel like one too. I even tried looking at 21 Photos That Will Make You Grateful For Your Commute, but I'm still not feeling grateful. :( I just hate wasting all that time: when do I live?!

Since I'm too tired to punch pillows into submission when I reach home, I'm venting into my notebook. In free verse.
I remember telling a friend that free verse is for bozos too lazy to rhyme. Karma you bitch!


Commute:
is the most devilish word alive
when you have something very important to do with your time,
and instead,
you are spending it
cooped up in a moving glass cage
awaiting your turn to be free
with dozens of others
who are awaiting theirs.
It's all with your consent, of course.
Or is it?
HOW could anyone
allow such a travesty
with their TIME?

***

What are you doing?
Twiddling your thumbs,
Twiddling your toes,
watching life go by
in bus rides & traffic jams
and regularised hours,
What are you doing?
You're waiting.
You've got your gadgets to distract you,
and people around you
may convince you
that waiting is the thing to do,
but sometimes,
when you stop enough,
to let your mind catch up with you,
you know,
that you're waiting.

I don't know for what.

GOTcha!

I don't watch Game of Thrones.

There, I said it. You can come at me with knives & pitchforks when I'm done with this post.
(The gratuitous use of violence & nudity is something I know I won't be able to digest. By the way, just a side question: do the men, uh, look just as.. nice, as the women?)
Who needs to watch the entire doggone series when you get all the gyaan distilled into catchy nuggets on your facebook wall?


Yes, it's important to NEVER lie to yourself.
Me? I'm a lost in life, self-obsessed girl (woman? Exactly how honest are we being here?)
Not lost AT life, mind you.
It's fun being lost, I kid you not.
I used to yearn for the moment when I would find my "place in the world", and be comfortable in it.
But you know what? Screw being comfortable!
It may seem strange, but I like being lost. Every day, every person brings something new to learn from.
Every other thing you see seems to be a wake up call.
I don't know what I like, don't like, or how I'm going to get somewhere, anywhere. But even if it is  status quo till the end, it won't be from a lack of trying. :)

Imma be.. a pirate.

I had decided to be fierce, resourceful. I would be the last one standing in a zombie apocalypse, and the movie would be all about how I made it. Except, real life isn't like that, almost everyone is standing till the end, so they only make movies on the people who went ahead & fell down. (And got up, but that's another story..)

About what we I talked- about what I came to know, what you let on as if you already knew- I knew it, deep down. Turns out, fear- inherent, deep and reinforced through the years due to a pathetic need for validation from others- VALIDATION??? FROM OTHERS? FUCK THEM ALL! THEY CAN'T EVEN MAKE OUT WHAT THE HELL I'M TALKING ABOUT! FUCK 'EM!!

So yeah, meeting & then leaving too many times kinda does this to one, maybe. (Umm, everybody leaves too. I'm still scared.)

But all those people, all that sound.. are not gonna count. I'm a weird gypsy-in-my-head. Everything I stand for today, I'm gonna hate tomorrow. So why bother?

You're cool, awesome. Everything you put your mind to, is worth doing. There are people already out there, doing what you want to do. Stop with the jealousy- what's stopping you? Everything you think is a good idea, it only adds to you, increases your awesomeness.

*Cue- rousing chorus, preferably pirate-sy*

FIGHT FOR YOU!
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The cherished people who drop by here (thanks for the note,phatichar : nothing like a message from a horror story writer to warm the cuckolds of your heart ;)): I'm hoping you managed to wade through the above rant and reach here. I've not been ultra-busy, I've just been trying to stop anything I do out of a sense of obligation. The blog seemed to be one of those things. But it's been  months now, I still miss this here place. I do love this space, and anyone else who likes this is awesome! ;)
Anything I think is worth posting gets posted, now on. I love this too much to start hating it.

Tell me.

So I need your help with this survey that I'm doing that will help unearth new information on how monkeys interact under pressure in urban settings.

Not.

How do you navigate your emotions? Do you keep a constant watch on them to make sure they vary only to the extent of +/- 10% from a fixed mean, and by mean I mean (See what I did there? Right.) a neutral, slightly happy state? No overwhelming joys and heart-wrenching lows?

Or do you just let it be, watch your spirits get buoyed to enormous heights by the littlest of things, only to watch them come crashing down till they make a big hole in your heart? And when that happens, what do you do to appear normal/not bat-shit crazy?

Do you assess your surroundings and change accordingly? Maybe you have an office mode and a Turbo mode just for friends?

Don't say you find a balance. You can't. If I had to hear that I'd watch some religious channel with a man in turbans telling me how to live.

As I said, I need all this information to assess the environmental impact a blue sky might have on the equator of the earth.

Not.  
As your prize for answering all that, you get to listen to some awesome stuff. You don't need to understand the language. Go get your earphones, quick!